The elegance and opulence of Urdu, a composite language native to both Northern India and Pakistan alike – falls like a soft feather landing gently on your ears. The beautiful poetry of Kashmir is ripped by the harsh reality of Kashmiri life – the Indian military protecting its land against the people who cannot seem to make a home in their own land.

If you are unaware about the tragedy called Kashmir – the jannat (translation Heaven) where once Gods lived – watch Haider.

Vishal Bhardwaj (director, scriptwriter, producer and music composer for the movie) is an exceptional storyteller and always ahead of his time. If you haven’t watched Haider – please do so. If you’ve watched it, tell me what you thought of it. I should have watched it in 2014, but I got lazy and watched it this weekend. The story is not leaving my mind, the background humming and the characters are still talking to me.

The sophistication about Bhardwaj’s movies is that they tell the story of the land and the people so politically correctly. Be it Omkara and it’s placement in the interiors of Uttar Pradesh, or be it Haider and it’s positioning in the valleys of Kashmir. Each character in Bhardwaj’s movies is painstakingly sketched, appropriately cast, and perfectly rendered. I honestly feel if Bhardwaj made a movie about the painful subject of “Black Lives Matter” today, he’d do a better job at it than most acclaimed Hollywood directors. He’s stark, he’s real and he’s tasteful.

In Haider, the Kashmiri locales are dark and almost painted in monotone. The wide angle shots of the carnage leave a deep mark on your psyche. The two angles of the story – the torture and the pain suffered by the innocent Kashmiris at the hands the militants, and the somewhat ruthless tact with which Indian army has to deal with the innocent citizens to protect Kashmir from insurgency. You will see real-life insights into the inside job – militants trained to kill militants, but the only ones who suffered – the innocent Kashmiri citizens.

The story starts with Haider returning to his hometown from college and finding his home annihilated. His father, a doctor who helped saved the life of a militant was caught by the police and the family home razed with bullets. Haider sets out to look for his father – across the mournful Jhelum river, through the silent Himalayan mountains, and the among the orphaned Kashmiris. What he instead finds is a treacherous path to revenge, militancy and hate – a stark reminder that pain and loss can often steer humans to unleash suffering on their own kin. The scene with piles of bodies of innocent children reminds you of the insufferable and immeasurable pain suffered by fellow Kashmiris – be it Muslims or Kashmiri Pandits. We all hurt and bleed the same!

The Perfect Cast

The searing guilt exuded by Tabu – who plays Haider’s mother having an affair with Haider’s paternal uncle, rips your heart. She calls her Haider, her only son – “Jaana” or “my angel, my life”. But her ambitions and desire could not curb her lust for power – she decides to stay with her newfound lover – her politician brother-in-law, instead of being a maternal balm to her crumbling son. Haider and his mother share a difficult love-hate relationship that’s dark enough to make you wonder about the extent of their mental and physical intimacy. The whole subject of the mom-son Oedipus inspired relationship is not in-your-face, but lingers subtly in the back of your mind.

Tabu is exceptional as always and is probably the only Indian actresses who can deliver the vulnerability of a loving woman and the callous zeal of an ambitious woman with a stroke of unabated perfection. Raja Sen says, “It’s hard to feel affection toward a black widow spider who leaves bodies strung up in her wake—unless Tabu plays her.”

Of course, the movie upped the sexy quotient to the nth degree with Irfan Khan playing the undercover Pakinstani double-agent, who is nothing but trouble.

Haider, aka Shahid Kapoor – poignantly represents the pain and confusion so rampant in Kashmir. His wretchedness is so palpable. Even in the scenes where he makes love to his lover – you can see the invisible dagger of betrayal through his heart. Unable to come to terms with his mother’s affair and his father’s death, Haider’s sensibility and stability slip from under his feet.

Agony, longing and revenge are a dangerous concoction. It’s like falling in a dark mudslide – you slip till breathing becomes a burden and your mind and body give up. After all, there’s no cure for vengeance – it never leads to salvation. Without revealing the storyline,  Shahid plays the role of a wounded child-man with uncontested honesty.

Shraddha Kapoor – Haider’s love interest, is charming, innocent and pure like life itself. I wish she continues playing in meaningful movies because she has a budding actress buried in her somewhere.

Despite being a adamant nationalist, you will find yourself at least acknowledging the point of view of various stakeholders in this politically charged movie. That is the subtlety of great movie making – you will find yourself thinking about issues beyond the movie.

The Brilliance Named Vishal Bhardwaj

It’s worth mentioning that the maker of the movie, Vishal Bhardwaj is originally from Bijnor, Uttar Pradesh – a state mostly notorious for birthing rapists, criminals and corrupt politicians. Being a proud native of Uttar Pradesh, I have come to believe that Uttar Pradesh rarely produces diamonds in form of people – but when she does, they’re are nothing short of Kohinoor. Case and point – Amitabh Bachchan, Vishal Bhardwaj, Anurag Kshayap, Nawazuddin Siddiqui and many others of the current lot, who are untouchable and unparalleled in their talent quotient.

Bhardwaj is an ardent disciple of William Shakespeare. Many of his movies are an adaptation of Shakespeare’s work. Maqbool, an adaptation of Macbeth, Omkara, an adaptation of Othello, and Haider, an adaption of Hamlet. I imagined Shakespeare’s soul sitting in the audience and marveling the genius called Bhardwaj. I bet he’d nominate Bhardwaj for an Oscar too – but that’s my secret fantasy.

Each of these movies made me think about the human condition – we haven’t stopped conniving, scheming, backstabbing – like crabs dumped in a bucket pulling each other down to rise up and escape. From the times of the Julius Caesar till today – regimes have been toppled and innocents killed – nothing has really changed.

Here are some famous quotes from the Hamlet:

And just because I can get away with it, I added a random gallery of Irfan Khan pictures for my own viewing pleasure!

For all the strides women have made in the 21st century, I have a genuine question for my ladies. If you were earning all the money you needed, would you be OK with your man managing the house, while you made a living for the family? I for one, am a bit stumped.

Balki’s new movie – Ki & Ka, elucidated by own misgivings about stereotypical gender roles. I strongly feel both men and women should contribute to their household income and to the economy by being engaged in financially productive jobs. Based on the family’s needs, either can take a break in their career as needed, returning to the work force when ready. The idea about one partner not working at all, is not feasible anymore for a large segment of the population.

However, would it be so wrong, if a man simply took a backseat, and let the woman be the breadwinner, while he took charge of homemaking – forever?

The Backdrop

Ki Ka is new-age love story about the ambitious, status driven Kia – played by Kareena, who falls in love with Kabir – played by Arjun Kapoor, a guy who didn’t care for a corporate career or participating in the workforce at all. They get married as Kia pursues the highest-highs of her career and Kabir continues to take care of the home like a typical “housewife”. Things get strenuous when Kabir gains appreciation for his a-stereotypical role as a supportive husband, causing significant misunderstandings between the couple.

Remember the time when women were expected to be homemakers, they had to curb ambitions for a career, they couldn’t desire limelight as their husbands stole the thunder all the time? Remember the phrase – “behind every successful man, there’s a woman?” Well, Balki turns the concept on its head. Though a feminist husband fully supports his woman’s career ambitions, the woman treats him poorly just like any other petulant man would, in case he was ever pissed off with his homemaker wife.

Kia is seen complaining about the coffee, the food not being ready on time, telling Kabir how he lives on her earnings – sound familiar? Things get worse when she’s seen physically abusing Kabir and hurling insults at his one wrong move.

So summary of the movie is as such – the financially dominant person (or provider) in the relationship may abuse the dominion. As we discussed in our blog, financial issues are a leading cause for divorce and strain in adult relationships. Hence, my earlier point – both men and women must contribute financially in a relationship over the long-term, else the imbalance quickly throws the relationship off course.

Is the Movie Worth Watching?

Balki has never shied away from controversial love arrangements. My mind keeps going back to Cheeni Kum – where the stalwart Amitabh Bachchan played the smitten lover-boy trying to woo a woman 25 years younger than him. And the audience was enamored because the love and lust felt real. After all who wouldn’t fall for regal and unconventional Tabu?

And then there was Paa, and the soul stirring love between mother – Vidya Balan, the child – Amitabh Bachchan, and the near-absent father played by Abhishek Bachchan. Both Cheeni Kum and Paa were magical movies – perhaps because the cast pulled the character nuances so well.

Kareena, sadly had big shoes to fill. And she fell loud and flat! Kareena continues to channel her inner “Poo” from the Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham days, and frankly, the repeated glamor woman persona is getting too old to entice the audience. Kareena desperately needs an Omkara, Chameli caliber movie to save her lifeless career. Ki Ka does nothing for her!

Arjun Kapoor is promising, and played the role of a sensitive and loving man with sincerity. He has a long way to go however! There’s a lot of kissing and making out between Kareena and Arjun – but the chemistry just didn’t work. Music too, was insipid.

Rajit Kapur and Swaroop Sampat are well cast as parents. The relationship shared by Swaroop Sampat’s and Arjun Kapoor’s characters is especially tender.

Last Impressions

Ki Ka reminded me of Abhimaan from the 1970s. Arjun Kapoor’s dejection has an uncanny resemblance with Jaya Bachachan’s downcast eyes as she sang “Piya Bina” (translation – without my lover). But that’s where similarities end, because Abhimaan was so well rendered.

In this case, I wish Balki watched and re-watched 1970’s Guide – the Dev Anand and Wahida Rehman movie that challenged gender stereotypes. The movie where Wahida left her husband to pursue a dancing career but was eventually disappointed by her lover Dev Anand, who afforded a living on Wahida’s hard earned money. Guide left me feeling sympathetic to both characters and especially the woman because supporting a man who does not really take a career all that seriously, can be difficult.

Maybe that’s where Balki wants us to dig deep and think why we typically expect men to go out an earn the bread? But Ki Ka doesn’t really help us get there at all. It’s an effort largely wasted.

Our rating out of 5 stars:  

Bruce Springsteen, a.k.a The Boss, recently stated,

It’s the strongest means I have for raising my voice in opposition to those who won’t recognize the human rights of all of our citizens.

Springsteen recently cancelled his nearly sold-out tour in North Carolina, opposing the now infamous HB2 law or the “Bathroom Law”. The law requires that transgender people only use bathrooms corresponding with their sex at birth. Officials have estimated a loss of $100,000 in net revenue because of the cancellation of the Springsteen concert. Other artists including  Ringo Starr, Pearl Jam, and Ani DiFranco also canceled shows in North Carolina in response to HB2. Sadly, the intolerance seems to be growing, with 44 similar anti-transgender bills are being considered in at least 17 US states.

Mississippi’s Reckless Discrimination

In mid-April 2016, Mississippi’s Governor, Phil Bryant signed the “Protecting Freedom of Conscience from Government Discrimination Act”, allowing businesses and religious organizations to refuse service to gays, lesbians, bisexual, transgenders, couples having sex outside marriage etc. Proponents say the Act protects the religious freedom, as defined in Section 2 of the Act:

“The sincerely held religious beliefs or moral convictions protected by this act are the belief or conviction that:

(a) Marriage is or should be recognized as the union of one man and one woman;

(b) Sexual relations are properly reserved to such a marriage; and

(c) Male (man) or female (woman) refer to an individual’s immutable biological sex as objectively determined by anatomy and genetics at time of birth.”

In other words, businesses in Mississippi can deny basic services such as baking cake for gay weddings, serving transgenders at a restaurant, and hiring bisexual job candidates. The Act, is sadly a sanction to openly discriminate against members of the LGBTQ community, or against couples who may not believe in traditional institution of marriage.

The tech sector reacted sternly. Companies like Toyota, Nissan, Tyson Foods, and MGM Resorts International opposed the bill. CEOs from several large tech companies like Salesforce, IBM, Microsoft etc, have taken to social media and press meets to openly criticize regressive social steps taken by State Governments in Mississippi, Georgia and North Carolina.

Earlier this month, Georgia’s Republican Governor Nathan Deal stated he was facing increasing pressure from the Tech sector and vetoed a similar “religious liberties” bill.

North Carolina’s Discriminatory Woes

In March 2015, North Carolina had passed a bill allowing magistrates to opt out of performing marriages against their religious beliefs, including same-sex, interfaith, or interracial marriages. 

Since then, the Tech industry has relentlessly put the economic pressure on North Carolina. Angie’s List put a $40 million expansion on hold. Salesforce a $4 billion employer in Indiana, applied pressure on the Governor, though the law wasn’t repealed.

Recently in April 2016, PayPal cancelled it’s $3.6 million project in North Carolina, expected to bring in 400 new jobs. 120 companies have signed the petition to repeal the law. Indiana is feeling the pain, with many conferences being cancelled and economic expansion suffering.

When asked about PayPal’s decision about pulling out investment in North Carolina, the disagreeable Governor Pat McCrory stated, “I respect disagreement.”

Progressives across the U.S. are raising awareness and their voice against such discriminatory laws. For example, Sarah McBride posted this picture from a bathroom she’s not allowed to use under the HB2 law.

Unlike Indiana, Mississippi does not have a significant Tech sector presence. However, Mississippi is also one of the poorest American states, with high unemployment and racial strains. Such backward anti-gay laws will not help Mississippi’s economic woes!

Change is Inevitable

Mahatma Gandhi once said:

Be the change you want to see in the world.

The opposition shown by the Tech Industry is a prime example of using economic power and technological clout for good, an example where Capitalism can be an agent for social change.

The socially liberal Tech companies are challenging the religious intolerance and conservatism in the American heartland and south. Strong messages from the Tech companies about economic consequences might finally propel the much needed social change!

Read More:

• Mississippi HB1523SG – http://billstatus.ls.state.ms.us/documents/2016/pdf/HB/1500-1599/HB1523SG.pdf
• Georgia HB757 Bill – http://legislativenavigator.myajc.com/#bills/HB/757
• Anti-Gay Laws Bring Backlash in Mississippi and North Carolina – http://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/06/us/gay-rights-mississippi-north-carolina.html?_r=0
• Bruce Springsteen Cancels Show in North Carolina To Protest ‘Bathroom Bill’
• North Carolina and Mississippi See Tourist Backlash After L.G.B.T. Laws

“The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision,” – Maimonides, Spanish philosopher and astronomer, 1135 – 1204

Have you ever been stuck between a rock and a hard place trying to make an excruciating decision? Well, the 10-10-10 strategy might be of help!

My mentor Leila Modarres, recently told me about Suzy Welch, a business leader and author, on a mission to transform people’s lives by teaching them better decision-making techniques. Suzy is the former editor-in-chief of the Harvard Business Review, and contributor to Oprah’s O Magazine’s work-life column. Suzy is also the mother of four thriving children, and married to Jack Welch – the revered leadership guru and the former CEO of GE.

Suzy breaks down the stickiest and the most conflicting decision-making processes to sheer simplicity, by focusing on an immediate, a medium-term, and a long-term vision of the potential impacts of decision.

It’s called the 10-10-10 method.

The 10-10-10 Method

Here’s the idea, if you were to make a difficult decision, it would be worth thinking about the 10-minute impact, the 10-month impact, and the 10-year impact of the decision. More often than not, the 10-year impact of any decision does not look as bad as we usually fear it to be. Things have their own way of working out despite their immanent ambiguity.

The approach has helped people from all walks of life assess their problems through a different lens. We often fret about the impact of small and large decisions on our lives, sometimes leading to inaction or decision paralysis altogether. Alternatively, our mind thinks through the various permutations and combinations of potential impacts of decisions, leading to a completely muddled future prospect. In the end, we often convince ourselves that a decision cannot be made and abandon the decision-making process altogether.

As Theodore Roosevelt once said,

“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”

Suzy used the consistency helpful 10-10-10 strategy to make decisions in her own life, and shared the technique in her book titled, “10-10-10: A Fast and Powerful Way to Get Unstuck in Love, at Work, and with Your Family”. She also shares many personal and third person stories in the book, providing examples of ways to employ the 10-10-10 strategy in daily life. 

For example, many of us fear walking out of a seemingly difficult relationship. When imagining leaving the relationship – the 10-minute and the 10-month impact may seem painful, but the 10-year impact may seem more manageable and lucid. As long as we can arrive at a reasonable outlook of the future, the 10-10-10 process makes the decision-making easier.

Using 10-10-10 May Improve the Quality of Decisions

Humans depend on the automatic and instinctive ways to make decisions – for example, we don’t actively think about walking, sleeping, laughing and eating, these decisions are made using an auto-pilot decision-making process. We often rely on this same system, a.k.a “the gut”, to make day-to-day decisions. The gut however, is typically incorrect because it is based on survival instincts, previous biases and experiences, and is mostly a lazy tool to make decisions.

However, if we manage to slow down the decision process and try to envision the short-term, medium-term and long-term impact, we can come to terms with a reasonable future outcome. We are able to use the rational thinking process using information available to better gauge potential risks and rewards. The decision ultimately comes from a more centered and mindful place!

In his path-breaking book “Thinking, Fast and Slow”, Nobel Prize winner Dr. Daniel Kahneman stated,

“True intuitive expertise is learned from prolonged experience with good feedback on mistakes.” 

In other words, intuition must then mean repeated experience with clear understanding about potential pitfalls. Intuition is therefore, not a snappy way to make decisions, a process that’s biased in the first place.

Our Values Guide Us

The guiding principle when making decisions in life, is our intrinsic value system. Suzy spends a lot of time in the book discussing the importance of personal values in the 10-10-10 process. This is particularly important for women, who are often struggling with work-life balance, struggling with decisions about choosing a full-time career over prospects of being a full-time mother etc.

What works for one person may not work for another. For example, a career-driven father in his mid-30s may want to slow down instead of taking a promotion to spend more time with his growing children. Another father however, may place value on the additional income awarded from the new promotion, and may be okay sacrificing family time in lieu of the promotion.

And that’s the charm of the 10-10-10 process. Each person can apply the process to help make a decision using their personal values. Two people with disparate values are expected to arrive at disparate decision – and that’s okay! After all there’s no single correct answer to life’s problems anyway. 

As Paulo Coelho said,

“Making a decision was only the beginning of things. When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision.”

Listen More:

Watch Suzy Welch talk about the 10-10-10 process at the Nordic Business Forum.

If you want to learn more about how the mind makes decisions, watch the review of one of my favorite and most instrumental book about the thinking process – “Thinking Fast and Slow” written by the Nobel Peace Prize winner Dr. Daniel Kahneman.

You can also listen to Suzy and Jack Welch on their weekly podcast as they explore questions about business and life management.

Read More:

• The Rule of 10-10-10 Decision-Making Guide, O Magazine
• Suzy Welch’s 10-10-10 Site

Hema Malini is a “Dream Girl” by all accounts – an amazing dancer, a brilliant actress, and a delight for audience of all ages and backgrounds. Tamilians love her because she represents the elite Iyengar clan so well. Punjabis love her because Dharmendra is no longer her husband, and he’s back with his first wife from Punjab! So why all the hate for the beloved Member of Parliament from the Lok Sabha (lower house)?

Hema was elected as an MP in 2014 from her constituency Mathura, the birthplace of Lord Krishna. Sadly, Mathura is in dumps! No real development work happened before Hema took office, nor is Mathura likely to see better days with Hema in office. You see, Hema is an actress-turned-politician, who still has a busy classical-dancing and movie-making career.

As an FYI, an MP in India is responsible for working with the State Government officials for the development of their constituency. A constituency comprises a group of citizens who elect an MP in good-faith, hoping their constituency will see new jobs and economic progress, very much like the election of Congresspersons in the US.

On the uneventful day of June 2, 2016, armed clashes in Mathura left 24 dead, including 2 polices officers. Illegal squatters were found with illegal arms, illegal land acquisitions and illegal demands. The squatters clashed with the police leaving widespread carnage of public property and human life.

Hema first said she really didn’t understand why media was hounding her with questions about the mess in her constituency. She stated with great candor,

It’s a state government’s issue, why is everyone after me? Concentrating on the issue is more important than on my tweets at this point of time.

Tweets in question showed Hema on a movie set. The tweets set the Twitterati on fire, and Hema was called careless, insensitive and out-of-touch like many other celebrity politicians such as revered Sachin Tendulkar and Rekha. The tweet was deleted and replaced by:

Thankfully, Hema’s PR team managed the situation promptly, with a barrage of pictures of the victims, shown here:

Hema also was visibly upset about all the backlash and wasn’t sure why she was called insincere. She vigirously defended herself,

I’m dedicating so much time to Mathura. Sometimes it is days before I even see my family or my house. Im attending to public needs sincerely.

Of course, the issue in Mathura has been brewing for over 2 years, but Hema was not expected to know about this, nor was the State Government. We’re so used to reactive and patchwork politics in Uttar Pradesh, that the reaction is totally understood. In fact, for us UPites to expect anything more from law makers and politicians is like women asking for gender-equality – I mean come on!

In Hema’s defence, the political situation in Uttar Pradesh has been messy for ages – the election of Akhilesh Yadav and family to the Chief Minister’s (CM) office, has made a limited difference in the plight of the common man. From communal clashes, to gang rapes, to widespread corruption, we UPiets have learnt to live with it all.

In interviews, CM Akhilesh Yadav admitted to lapses in police training, security, and agility. 350+ arrests have been made, and ammunition has been confiscated. But will the situation really change despite the acknowledgment? Many have said, CM knew about the encroachment and implicitly supported the activity.

As per expectation, both the CM and the MP will be off the hook as early as next week – life will be back to normal with more classical dance shows and political appearances. Maybe it is time to leave people to do what they know best – for Hema Malini it could mean being a Arts and Culture ambassdor for India than being an MP – a position she doesn’t really seem to care much for.

For the rest of us, no one really knows how the situation in Matura got so messy and in the end it doesn’t really matter. What the incident showcases is how wonderfully the great state of Uttar Pradesh has gone to the dogs. Between the majestic Elephant Parks, burning villages and opulent political scams, I can honestly say – we really don’t care for such a political representation anymore – we the UP junta will survive it all regardless!

Women continue to die in terrible circumstances across the world in name of honor and this sickness is quite common in most Muslim countries boasting of appalling women rights record. The concept of honor is so embedded in societies that it becomes very easy to justify all forms of violence against women. Last week, Pakistani social […]

via She Got What She Deserved -Killed In Name Of Honor — The Human Lens

Cameron Sterling, Alton Sterling’s 15-year-old son, said at his father’s funeral

These powerful pictures from around the country say it all – we’re heartbroken, we’re angry and we hope the tragedy of the past month, is never repeated in the United States! United States was meant to be the land of opportunity and equality for all – but lately the dream seems so distant. We stand in the aftermath of police shootings that killed two African American men – Alton Sterling in Botan Rouge, and Philando Castile in Louisiana, and the tragic killings of three officers in Baton Rouge, and five police officers in Dallas, Texas.

From President Obama to community leaders to law enforcement officials across the country, the message has been consistent – to make any progress on difficult issues facing the US today – empathy and compassion are key. We all need to walk a mile in the other person’s shoe.

As President Obama eloquently stated, “It’s not us versus them.” A majority of police officers of all races and backgrounds, actively put their lives on the line to protect the communities across the US. Today, there’s confusion and disarray in the minds of many about how we got here – with so much anger, with so much mistrust, and with so much pain.

Added to that is the political rhetoric in the country. Leading political figures openly talk about minority communities as rapists, thugs and opportunists – and there’s widespread support for such remarks.

How did we get here, how did we become so divided in our ideology that we find it hard to tolerate the pain of those suffering at the hands of a biased system, those who are isolated from the riches concentrated in the hands of few, those who are constantly turned away when they talk about their alienating experiences?

Statistics Indicate Widespread Disparity

We’re almost the most wealth-unequal country in the entire world (Source: Inequality for All)

From 2005 to 2009, inflation adjusted median wealth fell by 66% among Hispanic households and 53% among black households, compared with just 16% among white households. (Source: Pew Research Center)

The poorest 47% of Americans have NO Wealth! (Source: Economic Policy Institute)

Though, stock market has increased over 10 times, and the richest quintile owns 93% of it (Source: Levy Economics Institute of Bard College)

(Download the Inequality for All App for iOS here to influence policy discussions)

Added to these troubling economic disparities are the equally distressing statistics about disparity in the use of various levels of force against minorities in the United States. Here are some shocking statistics that we must face:

African Americans are 3 times more likely to be killed by police than white people

Number of African American people killed by the police in 2016 is 186

30% of the black victims were unarmed in 2015, compared to 19% of the white victims

Source: Mapping Police Violence

Given these alarming statistics, it’s worth asking what data says about use of force across racial groups?

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What Does Equitable Use of Force Look Like?

In a July 2016, Goff et al (Center for Policing Equity) evaluated 14,731 incidents from the National Justice Database, using a weighted measure of force severity to assess the racial disparities in use of force.

The authors point out that there are conceptual problems “measuring excessive force versus all force, measuring force dichotomously, and measuring force incidents as static rather than dynamic.” We often place a greater focus on cases with rare and excessive use of force – which skews reporting of data. In addition, there’s inconsistent recording of data making it hard to discern the difference in the level of force used, and the context of the entire incident resulting in use of force is often missing. The data in this study, represented a small number of departments and should not be generalized. Given these limitations, the results indicate:

1. Despite controlling for arrest demographics, there are racial disparities across various levels of force
2. Despite controlling for very rare occurrences, racial disparities disadvantaged Blacks in at least 25%-55% of the departments
3. These disparities were robust across multiple categories of force. Taser use was high, which warrants more research.

Results from U.S. Police-Shooting Database indicates “evidence of a significant bias in the killing of unarmed black Americans relative to unarmed white Americans, in that the probability of being {black, unarmed, and shot by police} is about 3.49 times the probability of being {white, unarmed, and shot by police} on average.”

An interactive article from NY Time suggests, out of the 11 high-profile cases caught on video, 5 cases resulted in the inditement of officers. In 4 cases grand juries declined to bring charges. In many cases victims settled out of court and investigations have been pending in several other cases.

Credit: NY Times (Link – http://nyti.ms/29C6DDu)

President Obama suggested 3 simple steps to improve relations between the police and the communities. Though these seem simple steps, implementation of these steps requires immense trust and empathy between the police and the communities:

1. Police officers should get to know their communities
2. Police training needs to go beyond the technical aspects of police work.
3. Police departments need more resources to implement best practices.

In addition, after the According to President Obama’s 21st Century Policing Task Force Report, there needs to be more trust between the law enforcement agencies and the people they seek to protect by:

1. Building Trust and Legitimacy 
2. Improving Policy and Oversight
3. Use of Technology and Social Media
4. Increasing Community Policing and Crime Reduction
5. Training and Education of Law Enforcement Departments 
6. Improving Officer Wellness and Safety

Evaluating Ourselves – Talking about Racism is Difficult

As we continue to evaluate ourselves at the policy and enforcement level, there’s also a critical need to evaluate ourselves at a personal level. Over the last month, I interacted with several friends and family, about the subject of police violence against the African American community, and been dismayed at the polarizing views.

What’s most heartening is that with each incident of violence against the police and the deaths of African American citizens – women and men of the US protested. We’ve protested against violence, racial inequality, bigotry, racism, policy inertia, personal bias that affect us all. We’ve joined hands, and we are White, Black, Brown, Asian, African America, Hispanic, Native Americans and all other races and faces – this is the picture of true America.

What’s disheartening is that most people find it difficult to talk about “sensitive” racial matters, others feel minorities need to step-up and improve their condition, yet others feel “yelling about racism” doesn’t help because no one listens, and yet others feel America will never change it’s obsession with violence and guns!

How do we ever expect to make progress on these difficult issues, if we don’t step out of our comfort zone and talk about the experience we’ve all been through?

How do we get past the issue of police violence if we do not discuss the issues with race? How do we get past the issue of violence against the police if we do not discuss the issues around gun laws?

At minimum aren’t we all responsible evaluating our own biases and confronting our own demons – what did we all do to contribute to this problem of intolerance?

In my humble opinion, we’re all responsible for the state of our world today, and we all need to step up and make an attempt at ending the hate around us!

When we paint an entire religious group as terrorists, we contribute to religious extremism!

When we paint an entire community of people as lazy, we contribute to ignorance!

When we call an entire race of people as opportunists, we contribute to intolerance!

When we call women a bitch, slut, “maal”, “item”, we contribute to sexism!

(translation: maal and item are Indian slurs for objectifying and degrading women)

And every time we keep quiet when others make bigoted, racists and intolerant remarks – we become part of the problems that face us today.

The onus to protect and stand up for your rights, cannot always be upon the oppressed. The rest of us need to step up and do our part too! Is this the time to whisper about racism, sexism, intolerance and bigotry, or is it the time for speaking loudly and stand with the rest of the citizens demanding justice – be it the minorities who want to be heard and accepted in a society they’ve helped build, and be it the police officials who want to be trusted and appreciated for their contribution to the society.

Two important quotes come to my mind in these times of controversy:

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy – Dr. Martin Luther King

There’s So Much to Look Forward To

As a nation, we’ve come a long way. Our first Black President led the country through times of great upheaval. His administration is likely to give way to the first Woman President. Despite these strides, there are many injustices to be corrected and accounted for.

As a civilized society – the richest country on the earth – we have some hard questions to ask our selves! We need to confront our own bigotry and the urge to write off the suffering of an entire communities of people. We need to ask our selves, what are we doing wrong that got us here? The duty is upon each of us – today and always.

Read More:

• President’s Task Force On 21st Century Policing Recommendations 
• London’s Black Lives Matter March: VincentChapter’s Photo Series
• The Science of Justice Race, Arrests, and Police Use of Force – Center for Policing Equity
• My White Boss Talked about Race in America and This is What Happened
• Rudy Juliani’s Racial Myths 
• Gun Deaths in America
• Center for Policing Equity – a research and action think-tank seeking to strengthen the relationship between police and communities through data and informed research.
• How Black Lives Matter Uses Social Media To Fight the Power

You know the hardest part about being a mom?

You honestly have no clue what you’re really doing – whether you’re parenting the right way, whether your darling baby will  turn out to be a boon for humankind or an entitled spoilt brat you dare not unleash on the world.

The confusion and distress moms face doesn’t end with the guilt we put ourselves through – am I a good mom? Visit any mommy blog – the conversations reek of unfounded judgement hurled on moms by moms! Breast-feeding moms totally think non-breast-feeding babies have IQ-lower than their smothered b**b-suckers, gluten-free moms totally look down upon moms feeding their doting darlings McDonalds and Pizza Hut, vaccine-boycotting moms totally think other moms know nothing about the relationship between vaccines with autism, sugar-free moms totally think the world’s going crazy because moms feed their babies way too much candy!

But here’s what binds all the moms together – our inexplicable devotion and love toward our kids. It’s why we moms push ourselves to borderline insanity – the kids must have the right kind of fooding, clothing, parenting, schooling, after-schooling, tutoring. The result – hyper-stressed moms and children! We all know – there is no perfect way to raise a child. Heck, most of us mostly grew up on our own – through compassionate community parenting and mostly hands-off parenting.

Here’s my question to the amazing moms out there – when did we take time off for ourselves to have breakfast at a lovely joint, write or read at a hipster coffee place, splurge on sexy Louboutin – heck even on a sexy bra? Well now is our time, ladies…

I didn’t expect this latest MOMMY movie by Directors Jon Lucas and Scott Moore (of the Hangover fame), to be plain outrageous fun! Mila Kunis of the 70s show fame is the overworked, underpaid, yet stunning, sane and a devoted mother whose world explodes in a tizzy after she finds her husband cheating online, children behaving like pompous brats, PTA membership ending disgracefully, and a part-time job ending in shambles. The remaining moms in the movie are also dealing with their own troubles, sometimes gracefully and sometimes pitifully.

My absolute favorite was Kathryn Kahn character’s – a loud, trash-talking, outrightly loyal, out-of-control single-mom who wasn’t afraid to paint the town red! Now, we all need a friend like that!

The movie follows a typical super-hero or super-heroine storyline, where the heroine:

1. Finds herself in a life-altering crisis
2. Is lost and confused and about to give up on life
3. Finds her inner strength and super heroine powers
4. Realizes she has an impossibly dangerous nemesis
5. Fights her nemesis and wins big time
6. Discovers a new meaning to her life!

The endearing and out-of-control comedy has just the right amount of heart for mommies and women in general. The story is about finding the much needed support in sisterhood – amongst women who love and support each other without judgement, women who cherish each other’s company and rely on their “sisters” in the most troubled times. Because I am very fortunate to have such amazing women in my life, I strongly endorse the movie! Go with the amazing women in your life and enjoy the movie – and bring the guys along too!

If you’re not convinced, watch the trailer here!

“Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Sometimes even the most painful betrayals have their way of bringing us closer to life and love. Gangster – a love story, is an exceptional love story – painted in colors of blue, where lovers seek togetherness, only to realize the meaning of true love beyond mortality.

Anurag Basu is well known for his movie Barfi – India’s Oscar entry for an international movie in 2012. Unlike Barfi, a movie lifted off Charlie Chaplin’s black and white slapstick style comedies, Anurag’s 2006 Hindi movie Gangster is an exception in its own right.

Gangster was debut movie for the four-time National Award winner Kangana Ranaut. A rare find by Mahesh Bhatt, Kangana has been delivering raw and power-packed performances ever since, but Gangster is still one of her best work at mere 17 years of age.

The Passion

The movie tells the story of three lives entangled is love, betrayal, and redemption. Daya (played by Shiney Ahuja), the notorious gangster falls in love with a simple-hearted bar-dancer, Simran (played by Kangana). Unaware of the dangerous, yet addictive lifestyle of gangsters in Mumbai – the unlikely couple is constantly on the run hiding from domestic Indian and international police. Simran, whose only dream is to start a family life, is constantly picking up the pieces of her broken dream as she tries to build a life in dilapidated buildings, isolated apartments, and 5-star hotels.

Love and passion ooze from every scene in the movie. Daya hardly looks up at his beloved, as she is forced to dance around lecherous men to make a living, but when he does the intensity in his eyes is searing. He never makes love to her because they were unmarried, yet passion is palpable in the way their bodies move together.The most romantic dialog in the movie is simply – “let’s go home!” It’s as if the vulnerable girl inside you is waiting for someone to take her home where all promises of the heart are held sacred.

The Betrayal

The movie shot in flashback, shows Simran love lorn, aching for Daya and their adopted child – a family she eventually loses in a gang and police shooting. Daya runs for his life and eventually leaves Simran to deal with the mess called life all alone in Seoul, South Korea. Drowning in pain, loneliness and alcoholism, Simran finds intense reignited passion in the arms of an undercover intelligence agent – Akash (played by Imran Hashmi). Simran falls in love quickly and in a cliched turn of events, Daya returns to find her physically and emotionally involved with Akash.

Ghosts of your past never leave you and life inevitably completes a full circle. The man who couldn’t be vanquished by life, was broken down by the betrayal of his woman. The woman who left the world for Daya but couldn’t make a home with him, the woman who waited endlessly for Daya, but Daya never came back to her for more than a day.

In an ultimate betrayal, Simran calls Akash to discuss her and Daya’s secret whereabouts and to inform Akash about their unborn love child. What unwinds is immense pain and pure carnage. No one wins when good intentions are met with betrayal!

Watching Gangster the second time was a bigger treat, you noticed the unnoticed. The smug look in Akash’s eyes when he lays in bed with Simran that was once reserved for Daya – the Gangster he’s out to get at any cost. The disgust in Akash’s eyes for Simran as she passed out inebriated trying to vanquish her misery. The pain and intensity in Daya and Simran’s eyes till the end because they lived their entire lives hoping to consummate their love. There’s only one question I was left wondering about, did Akash never feel love to Simran? Or was he so blinded as an intelligence agent that he felt no compassion for a gangster girl and his unborn child till the end?

The Stellar Performances

Kangana has been a controversy’s child and epitomizes the trials of a modern woman – living with her heart on her sleeve but on her own terms. Her character in Gangster is similar – vulnerable but tough as rock for things she values most – love, her child and her man!

Shiney Ahuja entered the movie industry will accolades and critical acclaim. He was charged with rape in 2009 – though the case ended up turning into a mangled he-said-she-said mess. Having said that, I have to confess as an actor, Shiney had immense potential and I was a big fan of his acting chops.

There’s one thing Mahesh Bhatt does very well, he writes stories about love and betrayal so well – it’s the stuff for suckers for wretched romance. I absolutely loved the blue filters turning Seoul in morose and languish, this movie shreds the heart apart! Women in Bhatt’s movies are typically brilliantly portrayed and Kangana shines bright in her first ever Hindi movie.

The movie closely resembles Monica Bedi and Abu Salem’s (the notorious gangster from Dawod’s gang) romance that went wrong. I found this interview in Filmfare with Monica so revealing about her spending romantic times with the gangster, getting caught in Portugal and being extradited to India.

The music composed by Pritam is truly soothing and timeless. Bheegi Bheegi is a wonderful rendition of the popular 80’s Bengali song “Prithibi” – originally composed by MG Krosswindz and performed by Bonnie Chakraborty.

Here are links to some of the best songs from the movie:

Bheegi Bheegi

Tu Hi Meri Shab Hai

Ya Ali

My family has a love-hate relationship with Strep Throat. Strep seems to love us, and we hate the pain, fever, shivers and antibiotics we’re subjected to when Strep comes along multiple times a year.

The beginning of school year is especially hard on kids and parents. My friends and their kids seem to contract Strep at least once and it’s a miserable time for the entire family. If you’ve ever had Strep you know exactly what I am talking about – yes, this is exactly how we feel – miserable pain when trying to swallow, red and white at the back of the throat, fevers, fatigue and more misery.

This past long-Labor-day-weekend hit with fun and fare, but quickly turned sour when the entire family was stricken with another bout of Strep infection. We just had one nasty infection at the beginning of summer, and about six months ago when the year began. Each round is perfectly aligned with fun-filled weekends, when doctors have lighter, unpredictable schedules and ERs are full of urgent care issues.

Personally, I have immense respect and understanding about the public and personal health dangers of untreated Strep infections – infection spreading to lymph nodes and the ear, and increased risk for rheumatic fever etc. I honestly think any infection affecting the young should be taken seriously and must receive medical attention.

Strep, short for Streptococcal Pharyngitis happens to be a common throat infection in kids between 5 and 15 years of age – comprising nearly 37% (95% confidence interval [CI]: 32%–43%) of throat infections in children of all ages, and about 5-15% in adults. The infection is spread through respiratory secretions and through direct contact with infected persons. A rapid Strep test is administered by the medical staff to validate a Strep infection within 10 minutes. Antibiotics for 10 days are strongly recommended along with proper rest and fluid intake. Viral throat infections are also very common and do not require antibiotics – they get better on their own between 3-5 days on average.

Antibiotics are critical for treating Strep infections and this post in no way seeks to undermine the importance of antibiotics. I am allergic to Penicillin, so Strep is no fun because it is killed best by Penicillin and Amoxycillin. As I was beating myself up for getting the infection, I started looking for alternative home therapies for Strep.

And guess what, I beat Strep in 2 days this time around, without antibiotics, lots of natural therapies and fluids, and immense amounts of rest. My 8-year old almost got over the infection in 3 days even though he had a more advanced level of infection than me – red and white blisters all over the back of this throat, along with fever and trouble swallowing.

I am happy to share what worked for us, and you’re free to try these remedies popular in India and in the West for some time now. If they work for you, please share your experience too.

Step 1 – Clearing Up the Red and White Stuff with Apple Cider Vinegar

The worst part about Strep is the pain when swallowing anything – the inflammation turns the inside of the throat red, and the bacterial growth turns the remainder of the throat white. The experience is plain horrible!

Apple Cider Vinegar, also known as ACV was the magical find of the 2016 Labor Day weekend. I usually have ACV lying around at home and I dislike the smell and the taste despite it being deemed elixir for the gut and general health. I read online (here, here and here) that mixing ACV with warm water and gargling with the mixture clears the bacterial growth. I did not believe it – till I saw it work. We gargled 3 times a day with a small teaspoon of ACV, in half a cup of warm water. I won’t discuss the gory details of what I saw in the bathroom sink – but let me tell you – the throat was clearing in just 1 gargling session!  By day 2 I had no more inflammation in the back of my throat, and my kid mostly cleared up most of his infection over 3 days. Best thing – no pain while swallowing after just 1 round of gargling!

Suggested dosage – gargle 3-4 times a day for 3 days

Step 2 – Soothing the Throat with Turmeric, Honey and Milk

Heat up a glass of warm milk (2% is ideal because it’s not too creamy) along with a teaspoon of turmeric. Let the turmeric heat in the milk for at least 1-2 minutes and let the milk cool a bit. Add raw, unheated honey to the mix. I use Tarweed honey brought fresh from the Farmer’s market. It works like a charm to reduce inflammation, soothe the throat, and provide antimicrobial healing powers. This mixture is a must-have for viral throat infections too – a time-tested remedy used in every Indian household.

Suggested dosage – 2 times a day, preferably morning and at bed-time

Step 3 – Clearing the Throat with Ginger and Honey

Strep infection or even a viral throat infection cause coughing and pain. To stop the coughing from getting worse and aid healing, ginger and honey work like a charm. I grate organic ginger, squeeze the juice out and add raw, unheated honey to the mix. The mix is a little bitter like ginger is expected to be, but honey tempers the taste pretty well even for kids. Ginger has a heating effect on the body, so it is important ginger not be taken in excessive quantities – unless your body is used to the heat.

Unlike the West, adding lemons to honey is not recommended in India, especially when you have a cough. Lemons are rich in Vitamin C, but they have a cooling effect on the body, further exacerbating the cough.

Suggested dosage – 2 times a day, preferably morning (after breakfast because ginger is hot for stomach) and at bed-time

Step 4 – Hydrating with Warm Fluids

Water is critical in washing out toxins and infections from our body. It is important to have lots of warm water, soups and broths to keep the body hydrated. When illness strikes, fluids are definitely more important than solids. So keep drinking fluids to nourish and replenish the body’s lost fluids.

Step 5 – Rest, Rest and Rest

Obviously, sickness indicates our body needs rest to rebuild and reignite. So we must catch up on sleep as much as possible, and let the body do its job.

Though I didn’t have to take Ibuprofen to feel better, my kid did need the extra help to feel comfortable and sleep well.

Result

My kid typically takes a week (7 days) to recover from Strep and the active infection lasts nearly 4 days. His active infection cleared up in 2 days and he’s been rapidly recovering since. His total recovery time was 4 days.

I typically take 4-5 days to recover fully, with active infection lasting 2-3 days. My active infection cleared up in 1 day, and I was fine in 2 days. Absolutely fine in 2 days! I even went

I am so glad I didn’t have to do another round of antibiotics this year, and that we recovered well without the usual 48-hour of pain till antibiotics kick into gear. I am very hopeful I can continue putting this remedy to test in future successfully!

November 8, 2016 was a clear vindication for 26.3% of Americans who voted for Donald Trump, with a lingering hope to “Make America Great Again”. Liberals refused to vote for the presumed-dangerous-protectionist-promises and rampant insults Trump doled throughout the most contentious election campaign in recent American history.

Sadly, liberals are now gasping for meaning and licking their wounds in disbelief. Not only did Hillary Clinton lose, Democrats were nowhere close to winning the Senate back. Instead of teaching the GOP a lesson about the changing demographics in a supposed liberal America, the rug was just pulled from under our feet, as liberals were forced to confront the truth about the true American political ideology! How did Hillary Clinton – the solid candidate of the two, with a stellar public-service career and a strong lead heading into the election, lose at the scale she did?

As Democrats across the country are trying to make sense of this colossal American tragedy, many questions linger in our minds:

• Was America ever ready for a woman President?
• Did the email scandal of a woman candidate matter more than all the sexual assault allegations of a male candidate?
• Does the public shaming of a woman candidate by calling her a “nasty woman” in a national debate not a turn off for all women in America?
• Did the white women voters care more about their race than their gender in this election? 
• Could the pre-election results grossly overstating support for Clinton have resulted in a low Democratic turnout?
• Would Bernie have been a better candidate for Democratic party after all?

And most importantly, are we more divided as a nation after this bitter and ugly election, and what does Trump’s win mean for liberals across the country?

As racist attacks across the country have continued growing, protests against bigotry, white nationalism, racism and hate against minority groups have been particularly dominant in blue states.

UC Berkeley’s revered Professor Robert Reich has emphasized the importance of peaceful protest against bigotry and hate to ensure the momentum reverberates! Prof. Reich says,

The “1 Million Women March” is already scheduled for the Inauguration —and will be executed with real skill. There will be “sister” marches around the country—in LA and elsewhere. They need to be coordinated and orchestrated. And then? 1 Million Muslims? 1 Million Latinos? What would keep the momentum alive and keep the message going?

John Stewart, however had a slightly different take on the elections and makes a valid point about liberals who have largely painted all Trump supporters with a broad brush. He says,

I don’t believe we are a fundamentally different country today than we were two weeks ago. The same country, with all its grace and flaws and volatility and insecurity and strength and resilience, exists today as existed two weeks ago. The same country that elected Donald Trump elected Barack Obama.

The confusion and the inability to latch on to a strong Democratic leader, has left liberals in a disarray, yet optimistic about working harder toward attaining liberal values. After all, one of the greatest Democratic leaders of our time, President Barack Obama stated,

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.

San Francisco, the city known for inclusion, diversity, progressive values has hosted many peaceful demonstrations since the 2016 election results were announced. Regardless of the political side we choose to support, it is always a proud moment for the American democracy, when people of all cultures, races, genders and ages voice their passionate opinions in an open forum.

For liberals, maybe nothing changes for the next four years, maybe things get much worse before they get better. But we must still keep trying to spread the message of hope and dispel the fear! We are in this together and we must continue hoping and working toward a more inclusive tomorrow for our children.

I am sharing pictures from a peaceful rally on November 19, 2016 from Civic Center to Embarcadero, where 100s of people marched with their children, friends and family:

Read More:

• Debra Messing and Susan Sarandon are Still Fighting about Donald Trump – Slate XX
• Donald Trump’s Victory Proves That America Hates Women – Slate XX
• An American Tragedy – The New Yorker
• Donald Trump’s Election Is Like Any Other American Tragedy – GQ

Befikre!

The promise young love is always enchanting – it is refreshing and the mere thought makes the heart skip a beat. Befikre unfortunately is a regressive view of modern love, with a warped perspective about lust, love and commitment in today’s world. The story is about Shayra, played by Vaani Kappor version 2.0, and Dharam, played by Ranveer who seemed to be playing himself.

The movie promises to teach you how to love “carelessly”, but instead preaches how to love “recklessly”. The plot centers around a viciously predictable plot – hookup with anyone and everyone, dump the unsuspecting lover or get dumped by the vindictive lover, fall in love, rinse and repeat!

This of course wouldn’t be as offensive if it wasn’t a grand production from Aditya Chopra, who once wrote and directed Dil Wale Dulahniya Le Jayege – a sensitive and à la mode love story. Indians across the globe haven’t changed much since, we still love and date the same way. It is a conundrum as to why Aditya feels that global Indian diaspora suddenly became more promiscuous and reckless about matters of the heart.

Befikre is baffling and dare I say offensive to women with even an ounce of self-worth, in more ways then one. So many poorly structured stereotypes, let me enumerate some for you:

The White Women Can Be Used and Dumped

Here’s one stereotype the Bollywood cinema needs to break – sooner the better! Offensive to its core, Befikre yet again portrays White women as “easy”, women to hook-up with, but not to bring home-to. Ranveer’s character hooks up with many white women through the movie, and is respectful to none, including his French fiancé, whom he conveniently sleeps with and dumps when he finally finds his muse.

You Can Treat an Indian Girl Anyway, and She Will Always…Take You Back!

The breakup scene between Vaani and Ranveer tells it all – Ranveer calls Vaani a “slut” who has slept with everyone in France, insulting her sexual liberation as he continues on to sleep with and dump women all over France. Despite the way Ranveer continues to treat women through the movie, Vaani not only considers him a lovely friend, but takes him back eventually. Just a simple sorry about calling her a slut is enough and of course, that’s exactly how Indian girls are – we forgive men no matter how they treat us! That’s a stereotype all Indian women love to live with – don’t we?

For Indian Parents the Best Match for Daughters is an Indian Boy…No Matter His Character!

Why Vaani’s parents love Ranveer’s character in the movie is beyond me! He’s not really employable, has a depressing stand-up comedy career, didn’t treat their girl right, and is generally unreliable. The only thing he does right is touch their feet to show respect the traditional Indian respect. But apparently Indian parents, so eager to dump their daughters on a marriageable Indian guy, would take a boy like Ranveer over any non-Indian…right?

Sexual Liberation = Promiscuity

Sigh! Enough said. The movie was meant to be sexy and who doesn’t like to watching gorgeous people getting their groove on large screen. Vaani and Ranveer can be classified as sexy, but the constant sucking each other’s face, taking clothes off in public was repulsive. A woman’s sexual liberation has nothing to do with the number of men she’s with or the number of layers of clothing she takes off. Does Bollywood get that yet?

On and on and on the movie goes, reinforcing just one thing – it’s high time Aditya Chopra lives up to his father’s legacy. I am convulsing confessing this – but papa Chopra’s Jab Tak Hai Jaan was ions ahead of times compared to Befikre.

The only thing that salvages this s***-show is Ranveer Singh. Whether you’re a fan or not, Ranveer is a dude-friend every girl needs. Deliriously funny, risqué, and an endearing childish charm – a bundle of joy for Christmas. From all the interviews I’ve seen of Ranveer, Befikre seems like his playground, a movie space where he wasn’t acting, he was just being himself. And oh that butt! Yes, there’s a generous view of Ranveer’s butt for all the fans – money’s worth? Maybe for some…

2016 – we’re so over you already!

So many injured hearts and hopes – the year took it all. This year has been particularly challenging for the feminists across the United States still trying to make sense of the political landscape awaiting us 2017 onwards.

Here’s an amazing quote that will keep us pushing to fight the good fight in the meantime!

Every woman that finally figured out her worth, has picked up her suitcases of pride and boarded a flight to freedom, which landed in the valley of change ― Shannon L. Alder

From the crisis in Syria, to Rio Olympics, to the Black Lives Matter Movement, to the Moon being closest to us since 1948 – we have seen so many faces of humanity this year. As we challenge ourselves to become better versions of ourselves in 2017, I wanted to share some things I learnt this year:

1. Love does trump hate – Sometimes it just takes a bit longer to heal from the hate and get back to loving!
2. Never apologize for taking care of yourself –  This is especially true for women who take care of everyone around them before taking care of themselves. This is especially true for women who are caregivers for the children and families, who always put their world before themselves.
3. It’s OK to say no…a lot and make time for yourself.
4. It’s OK to end sucky relationships – It is important to purge relationships that aren’t working for you,  so we can rebuild ones that really matter. 
5. Always rejoice the best you have in life – Human suffering is universal, yet it is important to remember how fortunate we all are – healthier, younger, happier and wealthier than so many across the world. So many less fortunate people would love to be in our shoes, and it’s not a blessing we should take for granted.
6. Yes, there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t support other women – Let’s try and stand together ladies!
7. Women indeed are amazingly sexy, overachievers and wonderful humans – We need to celebrate ourselves a lot more often than judging each other all the time
8. Ladies, own your sexiness and say yes to red lipstick – Your partner will thank you for planting those red lips on him or her.
9. Finally – strong and healthy is in – As it should have always been!
10. Listen to your body – Pushing yourself harder when you’re already beat down and injured, won’t help you – let your body and mind heal. This again is especially true for women, who push themselves to the breaking point before they are forced to take a break.
11. Stay true to yourself – Your values should only evolve with time, not regress.
12. It’s even more exciting to be healthier at 70 than today – To build a healthier, happier self you have to eat clean, think and act clean, workout smart, sleep a lot and surround yourself with amazing people. 
13. Live an endlessly compassionate life – I have been trying to follow the Buddhist philosophy of doing one act of charity a day, such as sending a kind thought and speaking a kind word. Being kind and thoughtful isn’t always hard, it’s just a matter of being mindful. 
14. Forgive others, but first forgive yourself – Forgiving yourself is always the hardest thing to do. Letting go of our mistakes is easier said than done, but forgiving yourself is the only path to redemption and healing.
15. Make hard decisions and learn to make peace with them
16. It’s OK to slow down and breathe…a lot!

Read More:

• Year in Pictures 2016 – by New York Times (RECOMMENDED)
• Year in Pictures 2016 – by BBC 
• Is 2016 the worst year in history – by Slate
• Best Photos of 2016 –  by Time

“What does p***y mean?” asked my curious, cold and tired 9-year old surrounded in a sea of pink p***y hats outside the ornate gold & grey Civic Center in San Francisco. I skirted around the definition – wondering how comfortable we’ve gotten with the word in the current political context. Two older ladies in their 60s smiled generously at my little boy. “Your daughters and wife will be so proud of you someday, and you’ll be a feminist won’t you?” they slyly planted ideas in his impressionable buzzing brain. 

Oh how I loved the confluence of like-minded women protesting this election and the assault on their identity. It was a celebration of hope in the haphazard and mostly self-directed protest and a voice about everything – women’s rights, reproductive rights, LGBTQ rights, #ClimateChange, #BlackLivesMatter, and #HeWithShe movements. We celebrated with creative handcrafted signs, laughed at our misery – but we were all together! Images of protests from around the world poured in from Europe to Asia to Latin America (NY Times) – a perfect mix of raunchiness, political awareness and tactlessness.

How proud I am of this version of America! A tempered yet peaceful rallies by the millions showcasing the true tenor of this country – tolerant, hopeful, audacious, yet a bit confused about the way forward from here.

(Print your own via The Amplifier Foundation link)

This was January 21st, 2017 and I walked away from the protest inspired, though knowing all too well there is a point at which protest fatigue sets in. I also fully understand and empathize with the criticism from Kara Brown of Jezebel – will this movement sustain, will anyone show up for social injustices afflicted on minorities (example where were these people during #BlackLivesMatter protests?), will this protest only result in a selfie-with-the-best-sign event instead of a call-to-action?

However there has been a heartening show of solidarity in the midst of travesty. As it happens, thousands protested for the immigrants and refugees outside airports this weekend after the #MuslimBan (NY Times article). Tim Cook (Apple’s CEO) and Sundar Pichai (Google’s CEO) immediately issued memos to their employees with strongly worded concerns about the policy. Google’s co-founder Sergey Brin joined the SF Airport protest against the immigration order.

However, all this may not be enough at the end of the day to return the power of the democracy in the hands of the people! And that is the reason we must consider other constructive ways to engage, while continuing to protest and be energized. 

So what is the THREE actions you can take now?

1. Raise Your Voice – Write a postcard to your Senators! The Women’s March website makes it easy for you. Visit the website here to print your own card or order a professional one. There’s also call to action – 10 things in 100 days – let’s sustain it!
2. Get Involved – Get to know your local politicians and impact change from ground up! Reach out to the local constituents and make sure we SHIFT LEFT!
3. Donate – Support the institutions that help represent and protect refugees and vulnerable communities – Doctors Without Borders, Planned Parenthood, ALCU are some critical organizations needing your support.

So don’t stop believing and continue marching forward. Share ideas about how to make this movement more successful. 

Here are pictures from San Francisco’s Women’s March to inspire us all. 

Read More:

1. The Best, Nastiest Protest Signs From the Women’s March on Washington

2. A Q-and-A With the Muslim Woman Whose Face Has Become a Symbol of Trump Resistance

Edward Hopper – The Lonely Realist

“…barriers and boundaries, wanted things at a distance and unwanted things too close: and erotics of insufficient intimacy, which is of course a synonym for loneliness itself.” – Olivia Laing

David Wojnarowicz – The Activist Artist

“there was no way I could relate them to anybody in a room full of people at any party anywhere. The sense of carrying experiences on my shoulder, where I could sit there and look at people and realize there was just no frame of reference that was similar to theirs.”

“I could barely speak in the company of other people. There was never a point conversation at work, parties, or gathering where I could reveal what I’d seen.”

“To place an object or writing that contains what is invisible because of legislation or social taboo into an environment outside myself makes me feel snot so alone, it keeps me company by virtue of it’s existence. It is kind of like a ventriloquist’s dummy – the only difference is that the work can speak by itself or act like that ‘magnet’ to attract others who carried this enforced silence.”

Dharamsala, the winter capital of Himchal Pradesh is a wonderful place for those seeking a spiritual experience or just a get-away from the daily humdrum of life. The city is also known as Little Lhasa, fondly named after the Tibetan capital city. Dharamsala has been home to nearly 80,000 Tibetan refugees who have found home in India after leaving modern-day Tibet because of unrest and political complications with the Chinese government. It is also the residence of His Holiness – The Dalia Lama, and the headquarters of the Central Tibetan Administration, the Tibetan Government in exile.

Most tourists enjoy the typical sites – the Dalai Lama Temple Complex, the Bagsu Nath Temple, and other restaurants and cafes in the area. The city has many other sites and experiences to offer however.

1. Shiva Cafe atop Bagsu Falls

Shiva Cafe offers the a tranquil and much-needed escape from the usual tourist crowds and loud city scapes. The cafe is about 1.5 mile walk at a steep incline from the Bagsu Nath Temple, and is located right above the Bagsu falls. Inspired by the Lord Shiva, the Lord of the Universe, and by Bob Marley, the cafe is the perfect space to have a cup of chai / coffee and ponder over life. The cafe has some amazing handmade art adding to the hipster feel. The local staff offers “taail Maalish” or oil massage which is perfect after the hike to the cafe. If you’re a lover of nature and coffee plan on spending at least a half day here. Bring your books and writing materials along too!

2. Illiterati Book Collection

Unlike cafes that house books for patrons to flip through while grabbing a cup of coffee or chai – Illiterati has tuned the concept on its head.  This lovely library-like cafe has books to read for years and is nestled away from the main Dharamsala chowk.

The cafe has excellent food for both vegetarians and non-vegetarians alike. I recommend the fresh Kashmiri Kawah – or pink chai made with herbs and dry fruits.

Again, if you’re looking for a tranquil time to yourself plan on spending at least half a day here. The hotel staff is kind enough to call a taxi for you in case you don’t have the energy to climb back to the main chowk.

3. Dal Lake & Street Food

The Dal Lake in Dharamsala is named after the popular Dal Lake in Kashmir. The lake is regarded sacred by Shiva worshippers.

The best experience by this stunning lake is to grab a bite at Pappu’s Chana stand and Baba Ji’s homemade ice cream joint. Both establishments have been around for at least 20 years and offer mouth-watering and clean street food!

4. Movie Screeings at the Hope Cafe

The Hope Gallery is literally a hole in the wall Cafe tucked away in the Jogibara alleys. The gallery was started in 2015 to support the stories and art from Tibet, and raise awareness about Tibetan political and cultural struggle. Each evening the cafe holds screenings of Tibetan movies about a wide range of topics impacting the Tibetan community.

The gallery also boasts a collection of captivating artwork by artists traveling across India and Tibet. The handmade notebooks, postcards and bookmarks make for great gifts!

5. Sunset over the Dhauladhar Range

Dhauladhar range or the White Range is the southern outer range of the Himalayas. The range is primarily made of granite, but shiny shale and limestone also compose the range.

The Sunset Point provides spectacular views of the Himachal valley both during early mornings and evenings. If you’re lucky you’ll be able to catch the sunset. The thick clouds often cover the valley, but the peaceful green range is a sight to behold. Pictures don’t do justice.

With the rapid growth and commercialism Dharamsala is experiencing, the impact of tourism is evident on the ecosystem. For example, the small Dalai Lama complex sees nearly 500+ taxis daily going through narrow lanes, bringing with them intense noise and vehicular pollution. It may be advisable to walk as much as possible and reduce dependence on taxis or personal transport.

The city municipality has provided many garbage boxes through the city. Yet you will find the garbage both perishable and plastic strewn all over the valley. The municipality does deploy people to clean up the mountains but the sizable tourist population is hard to keep up with.

Locals often wish tourists would treat their beloved Dharamsala, McLoad Gunj, Dharamkot villages with courtesy and care. If you’re planning on visiting Dharamsala, do consider ways to be more mindful about your footprint on the valley.

Also share what you liked best about this precious area.

Enjoy the playlist complied in Dharamsala on Spotify!

Take a stroll down hipster food joints and cool bars on any Friday night from San Jose, Mountain View, Palo Alto, Santa Clara and the well-known alleys of Silicon Valley – there’s no dearth of stunning single men and women. All matched through some cryptic algorithm that told them to swipe right! From Tinder to Coffee Meets Bagel, Bumble, Hinge and so on – different flavors and paths to meeting the burgeoning population of techies in the area.

Dating in the Bay Area (San Jose, Santa Clara) has evolved into a dating scene unlike other areas in the country – a bigger ratio of single men to women. There are about “114 employed men per 100 women, among the unmarried adults 25-34, and 57% are unmarried” (Pew Research Center, 2014). Yet ask most single women – dating is impossibly difficult! Unlike other parts of the country where dating is still has a traditional flavor, Silicon Valley seems to have its own unwritten rules!

Not that I am cynical about using dating / match making apps for partnership – after all finding some common ground to start on is just what’s needed. Plus in this busy world where we’ve come to rely 100% on automated systems – grocery delivery, gas refills, fashion buying, food delivery – why should dating be any different? But shouldn’t it?

As I sit in one of the most popular coffee joints in Mountain View, Red Rock Cafe and write this – I keenly observe a young gentleman swiping through his phone showing a barrage of photos of young women to his male friend. A gorgeous young woman sat right across him somewhat interested in the chatter, as I thought to myself – on a normal occasion a sweet glance across the table would have possibly resulted in a real connection and possibly led to a dating situation. But not here, because everything was lost in the swiping right discussion that ensued between the gentlemen.

The skepticism and exhaustion around dating apps is unmissable though. Ask anyone who has used them – pretty much everyone is tired of the process, but it seems there are limited ways to circumvent the dating process in the modern day.

A conundrum – plenty of options might sound exciting for the mind & body, but seems like most people are looking for “A” suitable partner at least for the time being. To shed light on this explosion of choices, Aziz Ansari conducted focus groups with the elite sociologist and co-author, Eric Klinenberg to discover the modern lovers are indeed looking for love, marriage and long-term partnership through dating apps. The whole experience however, is confusing and meaningless dating experiences seem to leave people more isolated than ever before.

In my personal discussions with the eligible singles in the area, here are some major challenges and complaints:

The Dudd Studd!

As one friend described it – you never know till you meet the person. It’s easy to put our best foot forward in our online profiles. Filters and apps can augment not only the lips, but boobs, curves and everything else visually pleasing to the eye! And this goes for both the sexes. Apparently taller men do better, as do women who resemble the Kardashian clan.

Many have cynically come to expect what you see on the app is not you may get.

The Oozing Insecurities

If the date starts with talking poorly about the exes, colleagues, dating experiences etc, it may be an indication of insecurities waiting to escape like fizz from popped soda can. Talking about ex-flames until a solid formation is founded in a relationship is mostly unpleasant anyway. Though bad dating stories can be entertaining, but brining the burden of past relationships is often tricky.

To Split or Not to Split 

There are some serious opinions in the Valley about splitting the bill. There are guys who strongly feel that a woman must split the bill – else, the date is a deal-breaker! Not sure about a deal-breaker, but I definitely think splitting is the right idea. I hear the men often say, they’re tired of being used as dinner providers for women – it’s best to avoid such situations all together. At the same time, there are men who pride on treating the woman right by paying during the date. For the ladies, it’s always best to offer – it takes the burden away from the date.

Authenticity & Manners Still Count

As a friend once said, dating in the Silicon Valley is about meeting each other’s façade first – seeing if the façade can connect before the real self can tolerate each other. Shedding unresolved outer self is critical to a more intimate connection in the first place.

Experiences count – plesasant interactions matter. After all, there are only so many Friday nights in your life. It’s best we make them count!

Interesting articles about dating in the Silicon Valley:

• Aziz Ansari – Modern Romance – Time Magazine
• Is Silicon Valley the best place to be a single woman in America
• The best and worst cities for women looking to marry – Pew Research
• Silicon Valley matchmaker – Love Marriage Dating – The Guardian
• How hard is it to date women in Silicon Valley
• Silicon Valleys gender imbalance in one chart